THE 2011 FROT LIST

You’ve seen ‘em at Rarig. You’ve seen ‘em at HUGE. You’ve seen ‘em all over at Fringe Central. It’s now time to get it out in the open, people…this year’s Frot List (frot = Fringe + hot). And don’t forget to check out the Fringerati’s #frotties on Twitter. Let’s do this!

-JAY-

Sara Lahti, Our Freaking Kids Show
If I had a personal assistant like that, I’d never get anything done.

Jane Froiland, Tempests
When I saw this girl on stage, my penis busted out of my pants and did a little tap dance number ala that scene in “Spaceballs”.

All Females, Once Upon a Time in the Suburbs
Cowgirls…FUNNY COWGIRLS…

Alexis Jones, Four Clowns
I’d really like to investigate her clown pocket.

Sarah Frazier, Uptown: The Musical
If only more hipsters looked like this…

Dawn Brodey, YARRRH! The Lusty, Busty Pirate Musical
My timbers were definitely shivered.

Rob Callahan, Callahan and Lingo presents: The Last Ditch
We got so many write-in votes for this guy, I just had to put him on the list. FROT!

-RYAN-

Ariana Venturi, Sousepaw
Dear Lizard Girl, I have whiskey AND cash. Please love me.

Katherine Moeller, Indignorance
I didn’t even see her show and she still made my list. That’s how frot she is.

Brigid Kelley, Tempests
I’ll admit I had as much of a hard-on for Carrie Henn as a ten-year-old boy could have. Thank you, Brigid Kelley, for making my childhood fantasy legal.

Sara Jensen, Damn You Auto Caress
Seeing her makes me want to furiously masturbate.
*furiously masturbate
*furiously masturbate
*WATER MY PLANTS! DAMN YOU AUTOCARESS!

Lisa Berg, House Manager
Gentlemen, put on your waders and grab your Acqua Di Gio: it’s Cougar season.

The Girl in the Ice Cream Truck Outside Rarig
You smile at me and sell me something sweet to suck on. I love you.

Rebecca Ogren, Once Upon a CSI
I firmly believe that Rebecca Ogren is the frottest girl in Fringeland this year.

-SINGLE WHITE FEMALE-

Derek Lee Miller, Red Resurrected
Is it fucked up that I didn’t give him a second glance in Ballad of the Pale Fisherman, and then as soon as he plays a creepy molester I’m all over it? Based on the way he wields an imaginary axe, I’m guessing he’s pretty good with his hands.

Sam Pearson, The Day the Nineties Died
I have no idea if he’s as mouthy in real life as his character is on stage, and I’m never going to find out because I’m pretty sure he isn’t old enough to hang out at moto-i, which makes me a total pervert. But watching Sam tirelessly rattle off radical left-wing ideological made me want to know what it would take to make the torrent of words stop.

Darius Dotch, Tales of the Twisted Cities
Even through a winter coat you can make out Darius’s chiseled torso and perfect biceps. I’d get lost with him at St. Anthony-Main any time.

Jaimi Paige, Green Eyes
I don’t know if I’m bi-curious or just jealous, but goddamn that girl has got it.

-GAYE-

Bruce DeMorrow, Tapsized
Bruce participated in one of the most homo-erotic-tap-dancing-shower situations I have ever seen.  And I’ve seen a lot of those. He tapped into my heart and my pants.

James Rone, Deadline: A Choose Your Own Adventure Story
James is one of those nerd frotties that I love so very much. I would always choose the adventure that ends with him waking up to a few regrets and an unexplained pain in his rear.

Kevin J Thornton, I Love You (We’re F*#cked
This man is just plain frot. I want him to Love me, and…well, you know.

Billy Borea, The Folly of Crowds
I’m usually not into guys like Billy, but for some reason I wanted to run my hands across every muscle this dude had to offer. Every. Single. Muscle.

Tim Lee, Scientist Turned Comedian
If this guy was my science teacher, I would constantly have to hold my books in front of my boy parts.

Jordan Roll, Balls Out
I almost took my balls out during the show. But I didn’t want the audience to hear when my junk hit the floor. Amirite?

-LEIGH-

Nic Lincoln, FLESH
As I mentioned previously: Ho. Ly. Shit.

Bob Galligan, Detached: The Return of the Pastor Brothers
I am unable to explain this, yet it is somehow very real. I am filled with shame.

Adelin Phelps, Red Resurrected
She can pull back my red hood any time she wants.

Jenny Moeller, Venue Technician
This is my kind of girl: cute, funny, and curvy in all the right places. Totally frot.

Laura Baller Mahler, Delores Grimm
Why are mermaids so freaking frot?

Madelyne Riley, Nightmare Man
My only nightmare about her would involve a broken corkscrew and a stuck zipper.

Abby Zimmer, Front of House Coordinator
She can coordinate my front of house any day. And by “front of house” I of course mean my vagina.

Dawn Krosnowski, Macbeth: the Video Game Remix
Redheads are my kryptonite (if you haven’t noticed). Also, cosplay!

THE 2009 FROT LIST

That’s right, we’re naming Frotties this year (that’s “Fringe” + “Hotties” and absolutely nothing to do with this). The entire FringeFamous staff has been working for the past twelve days to bring you highlights of the Fringe’s hottest men and women.  Let the Frot List begin!

—RYAN—

MONICA RODERO, Holding Patterns
She would have made the list just for being adorable, but her flexibility seals the deal. If you’ve ever had fantasies about a mermaid, you missed a good show.

LINDSAY MARCY, Buyer’s Remorse
“I know I just sat through a funeral, but is it terrible that I want to have sex with you right now?”

LINDSEY ALEXANDRA HARTLEY, Something Witchy
Nothing is frotter than a chick who plays with blood.

KATIE JORGENSON, Sideways Stories from Wayside School
There’s something about her character’s retainer lisp that makes me want her even more.  Plus, pigtails are always hot, ladies.  Always.

CANDY SIMMONS, Afterlife
Fringe Slideshow Day 5, photos 14 and 15.

NICOLE NYSTROM, Projectile Thinking
Please send your letters to:
Ryan of FringeFamous
c/o Stillwater Correctional Facility
970 Pickett Street
Bayport, Minnesota 55003

ANNA SUNDBERG, Fringe blogger for MNPlaylist
I’m currently working on a script for Fringe ‘10 entitled Watching You Sleep starring me and a life-sized, cardboard cut-out of Anna Sundberg. Watch for it at the Ritz.  And yes, I even creeped myself out with this one.

KAIT SERGENIAN, Bedlam staff
If you missed Dali’s Liquid Ladies, you missed out. She also gives great head…on my oatmeal stout.

ANGIE JANAS, Audience Services Intern
If Fringe audiences seem happier next year, this is the reason why.

DEBBIE TALLEN & NANCY WALDOCH, Venue Techs
Any chick that can change a dimmer and program a Vari-Lite is hot in my book — but these two, specifically, can splice my cable any day.

ZOE BENSTON & CAITLIN SHEAFFER, Fringe Audience Services
YOWZA!

KATIES HARTMAN AND MELBY, The Traveling Musicians
Not fair: a leopard-print bodysuit and a high-cut skirt and corset combo? Why are chicks dressed as animals so fucking sexy?  The only way these two could’ve been frotter is if Melby could actually sing and Hartman could actually play the drums.

—SINGLE WHITE FEMALE—

JOEL SMITH, casebolt and smith: Speaking Out!
So frotting sexy. A chiseled torso, long limbs, and tall enough for me! Too bad he doesn’t swing my way.

ERIK HOOVER, The Dumb Waiter
That boyish yet inscrutable face. Plus I saw him in last year’s Herocycle and I know what kind body is hiding under that suit…

DAVID MANN, This Show Will Change Your Life!
What changed my life:  His pecs. In suspenders. Kind of made me want to go cup them. Maybe this is what it’s like to be a man.

MATT REIN, Buyer’s Remorse
So earnest, so troubled, so frot.

—GAYE—

JOSH SCRIMSHAW, The Harty Boys…
There’s something about him. He’s got the subtle frottness happening. Also, he’s a Scrimshaw which is a golden ticket to any Fringe related list, right?

JIMMY HOGG, Like a Virgin
It’s the accent.  What can I say?

COLIN WAITT, Oops!
Super cute and super talented. And now that he has a broken arm, he’s oddly a little hotter…is that wrong?

TOM REED, Parry Hotter…
I have a thing for goofy-looking guys.  Don’t hate me.

SASHA ANDREEV, Strong
I’m still upset that he didn’t get naked in the show. Perhaps I’ll write a Fringe show for next year: Sasha Andreev Get’s Naked. You’d see that, right?

NOAH BREMER, Untitled Duet with Houseplant
He’s the kind of frottie you want to take home to meet your parents. Though our relationship would probably be like one of his performance art pieces: Everyone would be laughing, and I’d just be really confused.

—JAY—

MELISSA ANNE MURPHY, Squawk
This is mostly for that skirt thingy she wore in Robots vs. Fake Robots…but frottie nonetheless.

CAROLYN POOL & SHANAN WEXLER, 2 Sugars, Room for Cream
Every time I saw these two frotties out fringing, it was like a caffeine high…for my wang.

AMY SCHWEICKHARDT, The Curse of Yig
[Insert awesome snake/penis joke here]

EMILY GUNYOU HALAAS, Strong
Don’t worry about reading me my rights.  Just cuff me and throw me in the car, please.

SARA RICHARDSON, audience member
She wasn’t even in a Fringe show and still made my list.  That’s how frot she is.

ROBIN GILLETTE, Fringe Exec. Director
She’s frot, baby!  That’s why, year after year after year, we all hope and pray that she’ll pull our balls.