Posts tagged with ‘B4 You Die’

B4 YOU DIE - 4/23/09 Now that everyone and their brother has finally had a chance to express themselves regarding Casey Greig and Minneapolis play readings, it’s time for another semi-annoying installment of B4 You Die.  This week, let’s pay homage to Clarence Wethern’s semi-annoying run of Star Trek Twitter haikus by giving you this death on Monday.  Here are the shows to see before that fateful day. THURSDAY — The Last Five Years Yellow Tree is neat Osseo is less than neat Saint Paul would be worse FRIDAY — God’s Ear Regional premiere? The great Sara Richardson?You greedy bastards! SATURDAY — The Velvet Rut Illusion Theater I heart Terry Hempleman Get there by 8, bitch SUNDAY — Recollect The Egg stands upright Saint Paul is empty no moreUranus has closed Show To See If You’d Rather Just Kill Yourself: West to Chanhassen! Journey into the lobby Then…just pick a show

B4 YOU DIE - 4/23/09

Now that everyone and their brother has finally had a chance to express themselves regarding Casey Greig and Minneapolis play readings, it’s time for another semi-annoying installment of B4 You Die.  This week, let’s pay homage to Clarence Wethern’s semi-annoying run of Star Trek Twitter haikus by giving you this death on Monday.  Here are the shows to see before that fateful day.

THURSDAY — The Last Five Years

Yellow Tree is neat
Osseo is less than neat
Saint Paul would be worse

FRIDAY — God’s Ear

Regional premiere?
The great Sara Richardson?
You greedy bastards!

SATURDAY — The Velvet Rut

Illusion Theater
I heart Terry Hempleman
Get there by 8, bitch

SUNDAY — Recollect

The Egg stands upright
Saint Paul is empty no more
Uranus has closed

Show To See If You’d Rather Just Kill Yourself:

West to Chanhassen!
Journey into the lobby
Then…just pick a show

B4 YOU DIE - 4/2/09 Here we are again.  You’re gonna die on Monday and I’m gonna tell you what to see before that happens.  God, it’s like we’re an old married couple. THURSDAY — KA-BAAM!! Start out your live-performance-attending weekend with a bang…or a ka-baam (I’m fantastic).  HUGE Improv Theater brings their high-energy improvised comic book to the Bryant Lake Bowl at 10pm.  There’s an 87% chance that it will be fun. FRIDAY —Tragedy of You I hope you don’t hate the BLB, ‘cause this is two in a row.  Joseph Scrimshaw is back with a half-scripted, half-improvised Shakespearean tragedy based on a different audience member each night.  The show starts at 7pm, but I’d get there a bit early (doors open at 6pm) because this show has a 93% chance of selling out. SATURDAY —Bent Broadway Okay, okay…so this is technically a fundraiser.  And yes, yes…it does technically cost $50.  But the Minneapolis Musical Theatre is a good cause.  Plus, you get awesome food by kick-ass local restaurants, a silent auction filled with all sorts of shit that you most certainly need (including a 4 day/3 night vaca to exotic…Arizona?) and a bunch of awesomely gay singing and dancing starting at 7pm.  The night is also being hosted by John Hanson of KSTP’s Twin Cities Live. If that last part matters to you at all, there’s a 76% chance that you’re unemployed or a stay-at-home mom. SUNDAY — The Life of Galileo Theatre Pro Rata is back, bitches!  And all these guys do is pump out quality theatre on the reg.  Headed up by Carin Bratlie (dir.) and Noe Tallen (as Galileo), this one is bound to keep your Sunday from completely sucking a rancid b-hole.  This show has a 97% chance of starting at 2:04pm. Show To See If You’d Rather Just Kill Yourself: Quilters. Sorry, Theatre Unbound.  It’s not you, it’s me.

B4 YOU DIE - 4/2/09

Here we are again.  You’re gonna die on Monday and I’m gonna tell you what to see before that happens.  God, it’s like we’re an old married couple.

THURSDAY — KA-BAAM!!

Start out your live-performance-attending weekend with a bang…or a ka-baam (I’m fantastic).  HUGE Improv Theater brings their high-energy improvised comic book to the Bryant Lake Bowl at 10pm.  There’s an 87% chance that it will be fun.

FRIDAY —Tragedy of You

I hope you don’t hate the BLB, ‘cause this is two in a row.  Joseph Scrimshaw is back with a half-scripted, half-improvised Shakespearean tragedy based on a different audience member each night.  The show starts at 7pm, but I’d get there a bit early (doors open at 6pm) because this show has a 93% chance of selling out.

SATURDAY —Bent Broadway

Okay, okay…so this is technically a fundraiser.  And yes, yes…it does technically cost $50.  But the Minneapolis Musical Theatre is a good cause.  Plus, you get awesome food by kick-ass local restaurants, a silent auction filled with all sorts of shit that you most certainly need (including a 4 day/3 night vaca to exotic…Arizona?) and a bunch of awesomely gay singing and dancing starting at 7pm.  The night is also being hosted by John Hanson of KSTP’s Twin Cities Live. If that last part matters to you at all, there’s a 76% chance that you’re unemployed or a stay-at-home mom.

SUNDAY — The Life of Galileo

Theatre Pro Rata is back, bitches!  And all these guys do is pump out quality theatre on the reg.  Headed up by Carin Bratlie (dir.) and Noe Tallen (as Galileo), this one is bound to keep your Sunday from completely sucking a rancid b-hole.  This show has a 97% chance of starting at 2:04pm.

Show To See If You’d Rather Just Kill Yourself: Quilters. Sorry, Theatre Unbound.  It’s not you, it’s me.

B4 YOU DIE - 3/19/09 Well, it’s Thursday once again.  And that means two things:  1.) you’re so GD close to Friday, you can taste it, and 2.) you’re four tiny days away from this.  Aren’t we so nice to give you a list of what to see before you’re burned to death?  I’d read before answering. THURSDAY — Tony n’ Tina’s Wedding Okay, okay…this is a spendy ticket, I know.  But it’s been a while since you’ve seen it and you know it’s gonna be a good time.  With TC funny-faves like Eric Webster, E.J. Subkoviak, and Shanan Wexler (and that’s just the tip of the hilarious iceberg), it’s a can’t-miss night out.  And you get food, so shut the fuck up.  7pm at The Lowry Theater. FRIDAY — Passage of Dreams Friday might be just the night to catch the final preview of this Theater Latte Da world premiere.  The show consists of three short musicals and includes your standard Latte Da big-shots with Peter Rothstein at the helm.  It also has some sort of crazy-ass aerial choreography, from what I can tell.  Check out their website for the promo vid.  Like most theatrical promo videos, it’s about three minutes too long, but you’ll get the idea.  8pm at the Southern. SATURDAY — The Cody Rivers Show in: Meanwhile Everywhere This is the biggest DUH of the weekend.  If you missed The Cody Rivers Show at last summer’s Fringe Festival, you are officially a fucktard.  I’m sorry, but your friends were ignoring it and someone had to tell you.  Walking Shadow Theatre Company was nice (smart) enough to bring these guys back, so congratulations!  You get to un-fucktard yourself.  The show is at 8pm at Patrick’s Cabaret and you’d better hurry — this mamma jamma is gonna sell out. SUNDAY — The Secret Garden Hey why not, right?  Minneapolis Musical Theatre is usually good to go, and this is a great musical.  Plus, you’ve got Tom Karki (awesome), Stacey Lindell (awesome) and I’m sure a bunch of other faggos that will make it well worth your time and money.  7:30pm at the Illusion Theater.  Oh!  And it’s an ASL/AD perf., so bring your blinds and deafies. Show To See If You’d Rather Just Kill Yourself: Grey Gardens at the Ordway.  It’s a co-production with Park Square…need I say more?

B4 YOU DIE - 3/19/09

Well, it’s Thursday once again.  And that means two things:  1.) you’re so GD close to Friday, you can taste it, and 2.) you’re four tiny days away from this.  Aren’t we so nice to give you a list of what to see before you’re burned to death?  I’d read before answering.

THURSDAY — Tony n’ Tina’s Wedding

Okay, okay…this is a spendy ticket, I know.  But it’s been a while since you’ve seen it and you know it’s gonna be a good time.  With TC funny-faves like Eric Webster, E.J. Subkoviak, and Shanan Wexler (and that’s just the tip of the hilarious iceberg), it’s a can’t-miss night out.  And you get food, so shut the fuck up.  7pm at The Lowry Theater.

FRIDAY — Passage of Dreams

Friday might be just the night to catch the final preview of this Theater Latte Da world premiere.  The show consists of three short musicals and includes your standard Latte Da big-shots with Peter Rothstein at the helm.  It also has some sort of crazy-ass aerial choreography, from what I can tell.  Check out their website for the promo vid.  Like most theatrical promo videos, it’s about three minutes too long, but you’ll get the idea.  8pm at the Southern.

SATURDAY — The Cody Rivers Show in: Meanwhile Everywhere

This is the biggest DUH of the weekend.  If you missed The Cody Rivers Show at last summer’s Fringe Festival, you are officially a fucktard.  I’m sorry, but your friends were ignoring it and someone had to tell you.  Walking Shadow Theatre Company was nice (smart) enough to bring these guys back, so congratulations!  You get to un-fucktard yourself.  The show is at 8pm at Patrick’s Cabaret and you’d better hurry — this mamma jamma is gonna sell out.

SUNDAY — The Secret Garden

Hey why not, right?  Minneapolis Musical Theatre is usually good to go, and this is a great musical.  Plus, you’ve got Tom Karki (awesome), Stacey Lindell (awesome) and I’m sure a bunch of other faggos that will make it well worth your time and money.  7:30pm at the Illusion Theater.  Oh!  And it’s an ASL/AD perf., so bring your blinds and deafies.

Show To See If You’d Rather Just Kill Yourself: Grey Gardens at the Ordway.  It’s a co-production with Park Square…need I say more?

B4 YOU DIE - 3/12/09 It’s Thursday!  And you know what that means:  you’re gonna die on Monday!  Good, ‘cause you really didn’t have much going on anyway.  You’d better see these shows before you kick it. THURSDAY — No Child… Let’s start the weekend off right with a little actress called Sonja Parks over at a little theatre called Pillsbury House.  This one-woman show starts at 7:30pm and features one of the best performers in town ripping through 16 different characters before your very eyes.  Admit it.  You can only rip through 4. FRIDAY — Beautiful Stories for Ugly Children The Workhouse Theatre Company (who won an Ivey last year but still has nothing to report on its “news & reviews” page) brings us something that could be just the thing for a Thursday night before you perish.  This world premiere, adapted from the cult comic book series, brings you three short plays in one nice little package.  It’s also a co-production with Hardcover Theater.  Sounds pretty neat and starts at 7:30pm. SATURDAY — Hedda Gabler If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times:  Saturday nights are for Ibsen and hookers.  This week, Gremlin Theatre has you 50% covered (unless they’ve added to their list of refreshments w/out my knowledge).  Craig Johnson directs and Mo Perry acts in this 8pm perf.  Plus, you’ll get to see their shiny new space.  OOOOOOOH!  SO SHINY!! SUNDAY — Sylvia God, I fucking hate Sunday theatre…especially 2pm curtains.  But I do enjoy some Yellow Tree Theatre.  And in an epic battle between my hatred for Sunday matinees and my love of Yellow Tree Theatre, Yellow Tree wins.  But it was really, really close. Show To See If You’d Rather Just Kill Yourself: Two Gentlemen of Verona at Guthrie Corp.  See the video and you can prob’ly just call it a day.

B4 YOU DIE - 3/12/09

It’s Thursday!  And you know what that means:  you’re gonna die on Monday!  Good, ‘cause you really didn’t have much going on anyway.  You’d better see these shows before you kick it.

THURSDAY — No Child…

Let’s start the weekend off right with a little actress called Sonja Parks over at a little theatre called Pillsbury House.  This one-woman show starts at 7:30pm and features one of the best performers in town ripping through 16 different characters before your very eyes.  Admit it.  You can only rip through 4.

FRIDAY — Beautiful Stories for Ugly Children

The Workhouse Theatre Company (who won an Ivey last year but still has nothing to report on its “news & reviews” page) brings us something that could be just the thing for a Thursday night before you perish.  This world premiere, adapted from the cult comic book series, brings you three short plays in one nice little package.  It’s also a co-production with Hardcover Theater.  Sounds pretty neat and starts at 7:30pm.

SATURDAY — Hedda Gabler

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times:  Saturday nights are for Ibsen and hookers.  This week, Gremlin Theatre has you 50% covered (unless they’ve added to their list of refreshments w/out my knowledge).  Craig Johnson directs and Mo Perry acts in this 8pm perf.  Plus, you’ll get to see their shiny new space.  OOOOOOOH!  SO SHINY!!

SUNDAY — Sylvia

God, I fucking hate Sunday theatre…especially 2pm curtains.  But I do enjoy some Yellow Tree Theatre.  And in an epic battle between my hatred for Sunday matinees and my love of Yellow Tree Theatre, Yellow Tree wins.  But it was really, really close.

Show To See If You’d Rather Just Kill Yourself: Two Gentlemen of Verona at Guthrie Corp.  See the video and you can prob’ly just call it a day.

B4 YOU DIE - 3/5/09 We haven’t done one of these since October, so let’s see if I can remember how it goes.  Let’s see…usually, you’re about to die on Monday in some ridiculous way.  The following are the shows you should see between now and then. THURSDAY — Romeo and Juliet As much as I tend to dislike Shakespeare and shake my head at corporate theatre, I’ve heard nothing but great things about this CTC production.  Grab a kid, a few bucks and head to the Cargill Stage by 7:30pm. FRIDAY — Happy Days Holy eff balls…a Guthrie Corp. show?!  That’s right.  I just can’t deny the greatness that is Sally Wingert and Samuel Beckett.  I’m really, really sorry, small theatres.  I just couldn’t pass this one up.  And neither should you.  7:30pm at Guthrie Corporation. SATURDAY — R.U.R. Commedia Beauregard keeps ramming “this is the play that invented the word ROBOT” down our throats.  But who the fuck cares about that?  All I know is that it’s a cool play being produced by an inventive company.  If this new translation is any good, you could be in for a fun night.  Plus, it’s their opening.  Yeah, openings (that’s what Gaye said)!!  8pm at the People’s Center. SUNDAY — Hitchcock Blonde 7:30pm would be your last chance to see Hitchcock Blonde at the Jungle.  Joel Sass directs this nifty little show.  It’s good, but it’s a long one.  Go prepared.  Also, go wearing your erection pants, ‘cause Antonette Trussoni is in it.  She’s extremely attractive, according to a study conducted by my penis. Show To See If You’d Rather Just Kill Yourself: Oh, I dunno…what’s playing at the Chan right now?

B4 YOU DIE - 3/5/09

We haven’t done one of these since October, so let’s see if I can remember how it goes.  Let’s see…usually, you’re about to die on Monday in some ridiculous way.  The following are the shows you should see between now and then.

THURSDAY — Romeo and Juliet

As much as I tend to dislike Shakespeare and shake my head at corporate theatre, I’ve heard nothing but great things about this CTC production.  Grab a kid, a few bucks and head to the Cargill Stage by 7:30pm.

FRIDAY — Happy Days

Holy eff balls…a Guthrie Corp. show?!  That’s right.  I just can’t deny the greatness that is Sally Wingert and Samuel Beckett.  I’m really, really sorry, small theatres.  I just couldn’t pass this one up.  And neither should you.  7:30pm at Guthrie Corporation.

SATURDAY — R.U.R.

Commedia Beauregard keeps ramming “this is the play that invented the word ROBOT” down our throats.  But who the fuck cares about that?  All I know is that it’s a cool play being produced by an inventive company.  If this new translation is any good, you could be in for a fun night.  Plus, it’s their opening.  Yeah, openings (that’s what Gaye said)!!  8pm at the People’s Center.

SUNDAY — Hitchcock Blonde

7:30pm would be your last chance to see Hitchcock Blonde at the Jungle.  Joel Sass directs this nifty little show.  It’s good, but it’s a long one.  Go prepared.  Also, go wearing your erection pants, ‘cause Antonette Trussoni is in it.  She’s extremely attractive, according to a study conducted by my penis.

Show To See If You’d Rather Just Kill Yourself: Oh, I dunno…what’s playing at the Chan right now?

B4 YOU DIE - 9/18/08 It’s been a while, but I’m sure you all remember the drill. You will be dying on Monday as a result of too much douchebag exposure from attending this. You have 4 days left on planet Earth to see shows. Here are the 4 you should see (according to us). THURSDAY — The Irresistible Rise of Big Daddy Ubu This new production from our friends at Nimbus, looks to be pretty interesting. In their description, the character of Big Daddy Ubu is “a killer who’ll stop at nothing to overthrow the rival Artichoke Alliance”. So…there you go. 8pm at the Theatre Garage. FRIDAY — Old Wicked Songs Theater Latte Da has a knack for kicking out great productions, so I’m going to go ahead and assume that this one’s no different. You’ll have to make your way over to Guthrie Corporation (Dowling Studio) by 7:30pm to see this one. You’ll get to see another Peter Rothstein production and bask in the glow of Big Daddy Tyrone. Double score! SATURDAY — TOUCH Urban Samurai is one of my favorite indie companies. And after seeing their Fringe hit Musical the Musical, I’d go see Little House on the Prairie if they were somehow connected to it. Yes…I like them that much! So it comes as no surprise that your Saturday choice is TOUCH, directed by Paul Von Stoetzel, and playing over at the Cedar Riverside People’s Center (it’s back!) at 7:30pm. SUNDAY — Vinegar Tom Do you love Caryl Churchill? Yes, you do. Do you love Wendy Knox? Yes, you do. Do you love Frank Theatre? Yes. Yes, you do. And that, my soon-to-be-deceased friends, is why you must make this your last show before death. Sprinkle in a little Virginia Burke and a dash of Emily Gunyou Halaas, and you just can’t miss with this one. 2pm at the Ritz. Show To See If You’d Rather Just Kill Yourself: WELLSTONE! at the Sabes JCC. Not only is this another rehash, but it’s a rehash from the most boring theatre in the Twin Cities. Plus, we already know how it ends.

B4 YOU DIE - 9/18/08

It’s been a while, but I’m sure you all remember the drill. You will be dying on Monday as a result of too much douchebag exposure from attending this. You have 4 days left on planet Earth to see shows. Here are the 4 you should see (according to us).

THURSDAY — The Irresistible Rise of Big Daddy Ubu

This new production from our friends at Nimbus, looks to be pretty interesting. In their description, the character of Big Daddy Ubu is “a killer who’ll stop at nothing to overthrow the rival Artichoke Alliance”. So…there you go. 8pm at the Theatre Garage.

FRIDAY — Old Wicked Songs

Theater Latte Da has a knack for kicking out great productions, so I’m going to go ahead and assume that this one’s no different. You’ll have to make your way over to Guthrie Corporation (Dowling Studio) by 7:30pm to see this one. You’ll get to see another Peter Rothstein production and bask in the glow of Big Daddy Tyrone. Double score!

SATURDAY — TOUCH

Urban Samurai is one of my favorite indie companies. And after seeing their Fringe hit Musical the Musical, I’d go see Little House on the Prairie if they were somehow connected to it. Yes…I like them that much! So it comes as no surprise that your Saturday choice is TOUCH, directed by Paul Von Stoetzel, and playing over at the Cedar Riverside People’s Center (it’s back!) at 7:30pm.

SUNDAY — Vinegar Tom

Do you love Caryl Churchill? Yes, you do. Do you love Wendy Knox? Yes, you do. Do you love Frank Theatre? Yes. Yes, you do. And that, my soon-to-be-deceased friends, is why you must make this your last show before death. Sprinkle in a little Virginia Burke and a dash of Emily Gunyou Halaas, and you just can’t miss with this one. 2pm at the Ritz.

Show To See If You’d Rather Just Kill Yourself: WELLSTONE! at the Sabes JCC. Not only is this another rehash, but it’s a rehash from the most boring theatre in the Twin Cities. Plus, we already know how it ends.

B4 YOU DIE - 7/10/08 Well, well, well…it seems you’ve been safe and sound for a couple of weeks. It’s time to change all that. This will happen to you on Monday. I’d see these shows before then if I were you. THURSDAY — The Government Inspector Guthrie Corp. has put together a top-notch cast (per usual) for this new adaptation by local fave, Jeffrey Hatcher. This being your last Thursday on planet Earth, you can prob’ly afford to spend $38 on a ticket to this 7:30pm show. You can spend the money you were saving for Little House (“the line is freakin’ out the door!”). FRIDAY — Stare Down: A Tarantino Make ‘Em Up 7pm is the time, and BLB is the place for this crazy, improv extravaganza. Something called Close and Quartered presents this all-improvised Tarantino movie…on stage. They promise violence and vulgarity, so you can make up for your night at Guthrie Corp. SATURDAY — MN Fringe Festival Kids Show Preview You’ll be dead, so you won’t get to see any Fringe shows. This is sad…until you realize that you can see a 1pm Kids Show Preview at the Prior Lake Library. This kick-ass motherfucker starts at 1pm. If you don’t have a kid under 12 years of age, just swing by a playground and grab one on your way. SUNDAY — and they said I wouldn’t make it This 7pm one-man show, featuring Samuel G. Roberson, Jr., is part of Illusion Theater’s 2008 Fresh Ink series. It’s the true story of how Roberson survived childhood illness and went on to become a CTC actor. And they said it couldn’t be done… Show To See If You’d Rather Just Kill Yourself: The Count of Monte Cristo at the Minnesota Centennial Showboat. What? It can’t be Chanhassen every time.

B4 YOU DIE - 7/10/08

Well, well, well…it seems you’ve been safe and sound for a couple of weeks. It’s time to change all that. This will happen to you on Monday. I’d see these shows before then if I were you.

THURSDAY — The Government Inspector

Guthrie Corp. has put together a top-notch cast (per usual) for this new adaptation by local fave, Jeffrey Hatcher. This being your last Thursday on planet Earth, you can prob’ly afford to spend $38 on a ticket to this 7:30pm show. You can spend the money you were saving for Little House (“the line is freakin’ out the door!”).

FRIDAY — Stare Down: A Tarantino Make ‘Em Up

7pm is the time, and BLB is the place for this crazy, improv extravaganza. Something called Close and Quartered presents this all-improvised Tarantino movie…on stage. They promise violence and vulgarity, so you can make up for your night at Guthrie Corp.

SATURDAY — MN Fringe Festival Kids Show Preview

You’ll be dead, so you won’t get to see any Fringe shows. This is sad…until you realize that you can see a 1pm Kids Show Preview at the Prior Lake Library. This kick-ass motherfucker starts at 1pm. If you don’t have a kid under 12 years of age, just swing by a playground and grab one on your way.

SUNDAY — and they said I wouldn’t make it

This 7pm one-man show, featuring Samuel G. Roberson, Jr., is part of Illusion Theater’s 2008 Fresh Ink series. It’s the true story of how Roberson survived childhood illness and went on to become a CTC actor. And they said it couldn’t be done…

Show To See If You’d Rather Just Kill Yourself: The Count of Monte Cristo at the Minnesota Centennial Showboat. What? It can’t be Chanhassen every time.