NEW RULE: YOU SPAM, WE RIP Word up, theatre peeps! I recently received an email that I thought you might find interesting. I’d like to, if I may, re-create [my initial reaction] to said email. It went a little something like this… ———— From Leah Kelly “leah@perimeterproductionsltd.com” ANNOUNCING A NEW SERVICE FOR THE TWIN CITIES PERFORMANCE ARTS COMMUNITY! [oooh! I’m a member of the Twin Cities…performance…arts community, and I like new services.] Too many artists today are performing for small houses. [very true.] Are you one of them? [indeed I am, Leah.] You love to perform: drama, passion, pratfalls, movement, humor, philosophy, enlightenment, and laughs, but you need an audience. [it’s like you’re reading my mind…I fucking love pratfalls!] You need people in the seats to laugh, to cry, and to be enlightened. [and to see my pratfalls, yes.] Perimiter Productions creates teasers and trailers […wait, what?…] — “Coming Soon”, “Starring”, “Thrills and Spills”, “A Must See” [thrills and spills?] — to use on your website, in email blasts, and on video sharing sites. We give people a taste of what is happening on your stage — with sound and movement! [both?! nuh uh.] You may already use trailers on your website — clips of the show, etc. [yes, yes, thrills and spills. I get it.] We want to take your trailer a step beyond — to make your audience say “I gotta see that!” There’s a reason you think people should see your show. Let us help you highlight that reason and sell it to your audience. We want to use video to tell your story. [yes, I can tell.] Please contact me at leah@perimiterproductionsltd.com to set up a consultative meeting. [I can’t. I hate you now.] Leah Kelly, Perimeter Productions, 763.374.9072 ———— So what did I learn from this email? I learned that Perimeter Productions will do what you cannot…unless you have iMovie and a basic knowledge of YouTube. And I also learned that when Leah Kelly is composing an email, she likes to pretend she’s Queen Moron of Dumbfuck Mountain.

NEW RULE: YOU SPAM, WE RIP

Word up, theatre peeps! I recently received an email that I thought you might find interesting. I’d like to, if I may, re-create [my initial reaction] to said email. It went a little something like this…

————

From Leah Kelly “leah@perimeterproductionsltd.com”

ANNOUNCING A NEW SERVICE FOR THE TWIN CITIES PERFORMANCE ARTS COMMUNITY! [oooh! I’m a member of the Twin Cities…performance…arts community, and I like new services.]

Too many artists today are performing for small houses. [very true.] Are you one of them? [indeed I am, Leah.] You love to perform: drama, passion, pratfalls, movement, humor, philosophy, enlightenment, and laughs, but you need an audience. [it’s like you’re reading my mind…I fucking love pratfalls!] You need people in the seats to laugh, to cry, and to be enlightened. [and to see my pratfalls, yes.]

Perimiter Productions creates teasers and trailers […wait, what?…] — “Coming Soon”, “Starring”, “Thrills and Spills”, “A Must See” [thrills and spills?] — to use on your website, in email blasts, and on video sharing sites. We give people a taste of what is happening on your stage — with sound and movement! [both?! nuh uh.] You may already use trailers on your website — clips of the show, etc. [yes, yes, thrills and spills. I get it.] We want to take your trailer a step beyond — to make your audience say “I gotta see that!” There’s a reason you think people should see your show. Let us help you highlight that reason and sell it to your audience.

We want to use video to tell your story. [yes, I can tell.] Please contact me at leah@perimiterproductionsltd.com to set up a consultative meeting. [I can’t. I hate you now.]

Leah Kelly, Perimeter Productions, 763.374.9072

————

So what did I learn from this email? I learned that Perimeter Productions will do what you cannot…unless you have iMovie and a basic knowledge of YouTube. And I also learned that when Leah Kelly is composing an email, she likes to pretend she’s Queen Moron of Dumbfuck Mountain.

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