Fringe|Famous

THE 2009 FROT LIST

That’s right, we’re naming Frotties this year (that’s “Fringe” + “Hotties” and absolutely nothing to do with this). The entire FringeFamous staff has been working for the past twelve days to bring you highlights of the Fringe’s hottest men and women.  Let the Frot List begin!

—RYAN—

MONICA RODERO, Holding Patterns
She would have made the list just for being adorable, but her flexibility seals the deal. If you’ve ever had fantasies about a mermaid, you missed a good show.

LINDSAY MARCY, Buyer’s Remorse
“I know I just sat through a funeral, but is it terrible that I want to have sex with you right now?”

LINDSEY ALEXANDRA HARTLEY, Something Witchy
Nothing is frotter than a chick who plays with blood.

KATIE JORGENSON, Sideways Stories from Wayside School
There’s something about her character’s retainer lisp that makes me want her even more.  Plus, pigtails are always hot, ladies.  Always.

CANDY SIMMONS, Afterlife
Fringe Slideshow Day 5, photos 14 and 15.

NICOLE NYSTROM, Projectile Thinking
Please send your letters to:
Ryan of FringeFamous
c/o Stillwater Correctional Facility
970 Pickett Street
Bayport, Minnesota 55003

ANNA SUNDBERG, Fringe blogger for MNPlaylist
I’m currently working on a script for Fringe ‘10 entitled Watching You Sleep starring me and a life-sized, cardboard cut-out of Anna Sundberg. Watch for it at the Ritz.  And yes, I even creeped myself out with this one.

KAIT SERGENIAN, Bedlam staff
If you missed Dali’s Liquid Ladies, you missed out. She also gives great head…on my oatmeal stout.

ANGIE JANAS, Audience Services Intern
If Fringe audiences seem happier next year, this is the reason why.

DEBBIE TALLEN & NANCY WALDOCH, Venue Techs
Any chick that can change a dimmer and program a Vari-Lite is hot in my book — but these two, specifically, can splice my cable any day.

ZOE BENSTON & CAITLIN SHEAFFER, Fringe Audience Services
YOWZA!

KATIES HARTMAN AND MELBY, The Traveling Musicians
Not fair: a leopard-print bodysuit and a high-cut skirt and corset combo? Why are chicks dressed as animals so fucking sexy?  The only way these two could’ve been frotter is if Melby could actually sing and Hartman could actually play the drums.

—SINGLE WHITE FEMALE—

JOEL SMITH, casebolt and smith: Speaking Out!
So frotting sexy. A chiseled torso, long limbs, and tall enough for me! Too bad he doesn’t swing my way.

ERIK HOOVER, The Dumb Waiter
That boyish yet inscrutable face. Plus I saw him in last year’s Herocycle and I know what kind body is hiding under that suit…

DAVID MANN, This Show Will Change Your Life!
What changed my life:  His pecs. In suspenders. Kind of made me want to go cup them. Maybe this is what it’s like to be a man.

MATT REIN, Buyer’s Remorse
So earnest, so troubled, so frot.

—GAYE—

JOSH SCRIMSHAW, The Harty Boys…
There’s something about him. He’s got the subtle frottness happening. Also, he’s a Scrimshaw which is a golden ticket to any Fringe related list, right?

JIMMY HOGG, Like a Virgin
It’s the accent.  What can I say?

COLIN WAITT, Oops!
Super cute and super talented. And now that he has a broken arm, he’s oddly a little hotter…is that wrong?

TOM REED, Parry Hotter…
I have a thing for goofy-looking guys.  Don’t hate me.

SASHA ANDREEV, Strong
I’m still upset that he didn’t get naked in the show. Perhaps I’ll write a Fringe show for next year: Sasha Andreev Get’s Naked. You’d see that, right?

NOAH BREMER, Untitled Duet with Houseplant
He’s the kind of frottie you want to take home to meet your parents. Though our relationship would probably be like one of his performance art pieces: Everyone would be laughing, and I’d just be really confused.

—JAY—

MELISSA ANNE MURPHY, Squawk
This is mostly for that skirt thingy she wore in Robots vs. Fake Robots…but frottie nonetheless.

CAROLYN POOL & SHANAN WEXLER, 2 Sugars, Room for Cream
Every time I saw these two frotties out fringing, it was like a caffeine high…for my wang.

AMY SCHWEICKHARDT, The Curse of Yig
[Insert awesome snake/penis joke here]

EMILY GUNYOU HALAAS, Strong
Don’t worry about reading me my rights.  Just cuff me and throw me in the car, please.

SARA RICHARDSON, audience member
She wasn’t even in a Fringe show and still made my list.  That’s how frot she is.

ROBIN GILLETTE, Fringe Exec. Director
She’s frot, baby!  That’s why, year after year after year, we all hope and pray that she’ll pull our balls.